It’s interesting to listen to the list of wrongs done to the UK by immigrants (or even some times non-white or non-Christian people). This often leaves me baffled even before I look at the facts and figures. I like to call this process “the sanity check” – is it physically and reasonably possible for this to be true?

Mr Ulysses Kipps often tells me, “Immigrants come into the country and then proceed to sit around their nice semi-detached houses all day, claim the dole, before going out for nights of crime.”

I doubt Mr Kipps would bat an eyelid if I replied, “On top of all that, they’re stealing all our jobs and partying all night in OUR pubs, out with the lot of them!”

Did you bat an eyelid? Good for you! For those of you who didn’t (and for those of you who enjoy critical analysis) here are the “little” flaws in Mr Kipps’ reasoning.

Firstly, and quickly, let us deal with the problem of putting Mr Kipps’ and my statements together. If they (the immigrants) are stealing all our jobs how can they sit around their houses all day? If they are busy handing your TV through the window to one another, how can they be drinking pints down at your pub?

Now let’s have a crack at Ulysses’ rant separately: immigrants come into the country, don’t get a job, claim the dole, go around stealing our cars (and are therefore rolling in cash) and go partying each and every night, and you’re telling me that neither the Police nor HM Revenue & Customs can pursue this massive crime and money horde, which is supposedly so obvious that no supporting arguments are needed to demonstrate its existence (i.e. It’s there, look, in black and white!)?

Finally for my statement, regarding the “stealing” of these jobs, is Mr Kipps saying that he has right of first refusal on every job in the UK?

If a Yorkshireman’s job was “taken” by a Lancastrian, would we be having this conversation?